Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
