We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
