Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
