I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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