Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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