whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
