Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
