Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
