Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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