I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
