real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
