there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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