nut hugger
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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