why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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