he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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