i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Semen is not good for contacts.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
