I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
