He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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