Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
