My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
