you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They took my balls.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize