YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
