you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
