She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
