Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
