My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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