I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
