apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
