I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
