Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
