Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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