I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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