It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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