I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
