I cockslap morals
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
