everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize