I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
