I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
