you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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