i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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