I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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