so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
