You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
