dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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