new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
