Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
