No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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