walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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