hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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