I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
