Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
