Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
