i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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