I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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