I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
