We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
