when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
