I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
