I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
