so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
