How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
