Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
