For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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