my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize