i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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