does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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