The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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