Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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