is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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