if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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