Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
