is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
