I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
