I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
