Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
