I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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