he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
