If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
