We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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