come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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