Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yo dont text me then not text me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
