Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize