I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
