I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize