youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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