How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
