I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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