Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
