everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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