are you still at the devil's house?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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