Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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