Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
