I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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