Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
