I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
