am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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