i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
